Let me talk about stress for a moment.

Stress, and the harm it causes, is very real.

As a country, I think we’ve simply adopted the attitude that stress is a part of life.

Many people, me included, in the past, have even resorted to chemical support to counteract the negative effect of stress. (By the way, at certain points, when stress is too overwhelming to manage, yours truly will confess that medication can help (helped me once) someone get to the other side… or “turn the corner” as they say; of course, sometimes those “corners” are not on a square building…. but an octagon; seeming like they never end, lol!)

Thing is though, many well-accepted solutions for stress-relieve… DO NOT address the causal root. (And I’m not sure if we can ever fully “get to” and win, over stress.)

For example

“Exercise”, a natural, aggression-releasing activity CAN, of course, take the edge off stress and it’s negative effects.

But watch out… even exercise cannot get to the root of stress’ source.

But “awareness” can! (Just like reading this little bit about stress, gives you a slight relief.)

Make sense?

More about stress…. (but not too much; just placing attention on the subject creates more stress, so I’ll make it quick.)

Here’s how it starts. Let’s go back in time for a moment.

When college people lament of “stress” and so on… often times the grown-ups in the room act “as if”… but I believe college-aged people actually have it tougher  especially these days) than most might think.

Here’s what I mean.

I firmly believe that “stress” is a silent killer for all ages.

The first problem with stress seems obvious — it leads to “worry.”

Worrying comes with a steep price tag because when you worry about things, you stifle your creative processes, and you also nullify your ability to express yourself.

The built in cost of worry however is far worse than you might imagine, too, because MOST of the things you worry about while your “stressed out”, never actually materialize.  But it almost doesn’t matter because when you “worry” about something you are actually creating an environment in your body that resembles the real thing that you are worry about!

And when you realize that 90% of the things you stress about, never happen, it’s too late emotionally because you’ve been behaving as if they DID happen.

I call this “Paying Twice.”

First, you “pay” by worrying about the thing that hasn’t actually happened, then if it does happen, you get to feel the stress again and have a reason to legitimately be “worrying” (the second payment)

I forget where I read it but one philosopher or wise person said, “Worry is like interest on a debt that never occurs.”

On a deeper level, I honestly think it’s almost as if (by worrying) we are unconsciously willing the bad thing into happening.

Do you see why it’s so important not to let yourself get stressed?

Stress is like a drug!

Hey, when someone’s acting like a lunatic… couldn’t you say they’re “under the influence of stress?

How about being under the influence of exhaustion? Under the influence of fatigue? And so on.

You wouldn’t deliberately go to a bar and whack down a six pack of beer and go driving around would you?

But this is the equivalent of when we let other people, or circumstances, or things, organizations, specific people…. and even certain times of year “GET THE BEST OF US”.

If you’re not vigilant… next thing you know, your walking with an equivalent of a stress “buzz”, as if you were in fact intoxicated by it.

In fact, most of us — even the “unstressed” — are walking around with what I call a “stress index” of about 70 – 90.

To get a sense of what I mean by “index” consider this:

Let’s look at stress on a continuum.

A stress index of “100″ could be called “the max”; it means you have the potential to cause harm to someone, or lash out, or engage in harmful, self-destructive behavior.

A stress index of “ZERO”, however, would mean that you are probably dead, or you have a trust fund to live off of, and you have no responsibilities pulling at you!  And… subsequently, being responsibility-less…. you have no more problems. So unless you’re dead or comatose, or a rich white kid from the Hamptons (I’m joking, sorta)…. point is: You need to manage your stress index, or at least be aware of when it’s overtaking you.

More about stress index numbers.

A stress index of 30 could be akin to what life was like when, say, you were in 2nd grade! Remember that? Maybe you had every cool toy you could dream of… no responsibilities… and everyone wants to play nice, so to speak. Just you and your favorite tree to climb, skateboard to ride, and so on.

Then life crowds in on us.

Responsibilities just start to “happen.”

The toys don’t quite make us as happy (not the ones we’re accustom to anyways)… we’re no longer in school learning the simple ABC’s and playing with our BFF’s at lunch time …. and now, maybe suddenly, our new sandbox isn’t like the old one; not only that.. but some of the attendees don’t wanna play with us, and when and if they do… they don’t always play nice!

This change creates stress.

Many people try and “force” their universe to go back to the way it used to be in elementary school. These are the folks who never seem to get it together and “grow up”, but they do get older, and they often times “suffer” unnecessarily for not cultivating the coping skills that a stress index of 50 (an even keel) requires.

Still others try and suppress it, ignore it, or (and here’s the tricky one) they try get better at avoiding it altogether. This manifests itself into “procrastination”.

Jeez, no wonder the most stressed-out people… rarely have their shit together!

So here’s a strategy:

Accept “stress” as if it were a helpful companion; a “gauge” that you’re ALIVE, if you will.

When it creeps up on you, get excited about it! It’s an indicator that you’re actually on your path (even if it seems like a path you’d rather not be on.)

Then, try to engage in a ritual that has the hidden benefit of conquering stress.

The reason I say “hidden benefit” is this:

If we try and confront stress in a mono-e-mono fashion, it will only persist.

Meaning, if you try and combat stress directly, THAT WILL ONLY CREATE MORE STRESS!

Why? Because goals (creating something where there is nothing) naturally create stress themselves. So, if “Conquer My Stress” is on a “to-do” list…. you’re doomed!

Instead, do this:

Find something that has “stress elimination” as a happy, coincidental, and secondary benefit; a by-product if you will.

Like Palangi Kickboxing!!

Then… always be on the lookout for other things that are more convenient (it wouldn’t be practical to drive around with a pair of boxing gloves…. and a heavy bag in the back of your car — like I used to actually do when I was 19, but, for me it WAS practical cuz I was sleeping in my car to begin with!).

For me, aside from training, reading, writing, cooking, and sitting stilll…. I love going to the movies! Comedies in particular not only give me stress-relief from laughing, they also give me the 2 hour escape from a long work-day (yes, “teaching” is the easy part, gang, the “work” actually never stops.)  The thing with laughing is that it’s an awesome way to spend time with people you love, it’s relatively cheap, and the medical experts say there’s all kinds of chemical stuff going on inside you that’s very good from a hearty chuckle. Try and seize opportunities for laughter as much as possible. This year, Sensei Grandy and I went to a firemans benefit hosted by our own Paul Pennolino from the Hillcrest Fire Department. Somehow,  Paul elicited the cooperation and kindness of a whole bunch of world-famous comedians… with Louis Black as the final act! I laughed so hard my face hurt the next day. It was almost as if my smile was “out of practice”.

For the next three days… I was laughing for no reason at all!

Another of my teachers, Master Jimmy Graesser, a four-time National Taekwondo Champion, and US Olympic Team member, happens to be a pretty serious guy. He’s always level-headed… serious about his role as “Master Instructor”… and he trains his students to be the same.  But guess what?  This guy wakes up almost every morning listening to something that makes him laugh (often times Louis Black, in fact, lol!).  We’ve spent hours and hours watching the same movie (The Princess Bride) and still laugh our butts off.

I think laughter is not only the shortest distance between two souls it is also one of the coolest ways to regain your energy.

Do this next:

When stress creeps in, ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?”….. “What would be a good alternate activity to engage in, besides what I ‘feel’ like doing (the path of least resistance). “Is there something I need to confront? Or will this pass?

Or…. (my favorite) should I find my boxing gloves, my jump rope, and my ez-pass (depending how far you live from my academy; many people drive a half hour each way to train in Palangi Kickboxing), my water bottle, and my hand-wraps, and JUST GO TO CLASS!

All the best,

Scott Palangi